"Verizon. Can YOU here me now?"

"Can you here me now?" has become a trademarked catchphrase of corporate telecom giant Verizon thanks to millions of dollars spent on media advertising. So it was with some sadness and frustration that I found myself cancelling my landline service and giving up the distinctive phone number that I've had for the past six years.

Something went badly wrong with the phone line while we were out of state facing down a grizzly in Glacier National Park, but that is a story for another day. When we returned, messages on the answering machine were indecipherable. Was that a job offer or just another Sierra Club solicitation? We will never know. A buzz all but obliterated every word. "Hello…BZZZZZZZZZZ..."

Hunting out an old bill for the number and after navigating multiple key press options to call the repair line, the voice recognition system was unable to understand anything I said. Usually when that happens it is because of my English accent. This time, it was the "BZZZZZZ." After a few minutes of hearing,

"I can't understand what you're saying,"

an agent came on the line and took details of the problem, informing me that there was a $91 call out charge and that any work required would be $91 per half hour thereafter. Having spent 28 years working for Nortel, a company that makes telephony and data equipment, I had already checked the house interface and found out that the problem was not within the house wiring.

"Ok, there will be no charge if it's our line," the agent said, adding, "someone will be out between 4 and 8 on Wednesday."
"But it's Monday; can't they check the exchange and fix it sooner?" "No'" was the response.

On Tuesday, we got a call and barely made out that Verizon were confirming that the service person would call Wednesday between 4 and 8 and that no access to the house would be required. "4pm and 8pm," I confirmed. "Yes."

Wednesday came and went, then Thursday and Friday and still the "BZZZZZ" was overwhelming. On Saturday, I phoned the 24-hour repair line. The number was unavailable, I tried from a cell phone. I tried from an internet phone. The number was just unavailable.
On Thursday, I received an email from Vonage, offering unlimited dialing across the US, Canada and get this, to five European countries, including the UK for $24.99 per month with 2 months free for existing customers (which I am, but that's also a story for another time). This compared with paying Verizon $29.49 for local service only (including taxes and caller ID). We had eschewed both Verizon's and ATT's long distance service due to the standing charge and high rate to the UK. Both were achieved by using included cell phone minutes and paying extra for calls to the UK at an admittedly low price of 3cents per minute, using a third party supplier, Pingo, and dialing access codes and passwords.
Within two minutes of pressing the order button, a confirmation email detailed my new number. Within 70 minutes it was up and running.
On Monday, one week after the first call, I phoned Verizon service centre. With no word on the repair, so I requested cancellation. The operator wanted to know if I was moving, presumably so they could sell the service to the person moving in. I told them that I was cancelling, because I did not have to put up with an inferior quality line or service, at a cost that exceeded other suppliers.
After holding for a few minutes, I was put through to another department, expecting at least some interest, an apology or an offer of compensation for lost service. The technician simply asked,
"When do you want me to turn off service?"
"How about now?"
"We can do it within two hours," he offered, also asking where to send the final bill.
And that was it. I checked the line 30 minutes later and the BZZZZZZ was gone and so was my line and old telephone number.
"Verizon. Can YOU here me now?"